As time goes on it only gets worse.
I’d rather build walls around my heart again because none of this pain is worth it any more.
If I could, I would have it so that no one would ever have to suffer the pain of heart break. I know you cannot grow without feeling pain, and therefore you will not be grateful for feelings of happiness, but goddamn, this is too much.
I mean yeah you can say “who cares what your parents think” but if that means you’re going to get kicked out with nowhere to go is that a risk someone’s really willing to take?
Sometimes I wonder if you miss me too.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s hard for you to delete our photos.
Sometimes I wonder if you’re taking care of yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if you check up on me.
Sometimes I wonder what would be happening now if we were still together.
Sometimes I wonder about our time together and all the memories that come with it.
But who am I kidding.
It’s never just sometimes.
I told you I was scared of losing you.
I was scared of losing you because I’m really good at fucking things up and things never go how I want them to and sometimes I say really stupid and mean things and I knew I would mess up somehow and I would end up losing you as a result. You are someone I really love and I don’t do well with losing the people I love.
That’s why I was scared of losing you.
But now it is too late because I have already lost you.
I don’t even know what to do any more.